Friday started off with bouts of excitement followed by major nerves with a few teary moments thrown in for good measure.
Saturday began with disbelief that I was up at such an ungodly hour to go to a match that was being held in this country, thanks a lot FA, Met Police and ESPN!! Excitement then took hold as I arrived at Lime Street and saw all the fans of both sides milling around the station waiting for their respective trains. Frustration soon kicked in though as being on such an overcrowded train for over two hours isn't a pleasant experience, neither is trying to negotiate Kings Cross and Green Park underground stations in a wheelchair, could they make those places any more confusing? I swear we could have walked to Wembley by the time we'd got around the mazes that is those stations. Excitement got me again once we got out of Wembley Park station and I saw the ground. Mingling around outside the ground and bumping into familiar match day faces including two of the Park End finest stewards, did nothing to dispel my excitement, this was our chance, our big chance, every Evertonian knew that and I think nearly all of us believed it too. Getting to my seat just as "We don't care what the redshite say" came on broke me a little and I nearly started to cry, but I quickly regained my composure to join in, well you have too, especially at Wembley! An emotion that most people wouldn't expect you to feel at a football match is pride, but that is exactly what I felt when the minutes silence for the 23rd anniversary of Hillsborough was over. I must admit, I was a little apprehensive when I knew that this was going to happen as there's always one or two idiots who I feared would ruin this and also tarnish the reputation of both the club and its fans, but I was so glad I was proved totally wrong as the ground fell silent. I was proud to be an Evertonian and also to be a scouser as we showed the watching world that despite our footballing differences, no city can unite quite like Liverpool in times of tragedy.
The game itself is a bit of blur now, probably because I've chose not to remember it, haven't seen the goals since and didn't read the sports pages of the papers till about Wednesday, but we went from the highest highs with Jelavic's goal, probably made even better by the comical defending by Carragher, to depths of the despair after witnessing one of the most consistent performers not only of this season, but the last couple of seasons too, make such an uncharacteristic, but game changing mistake. Why he did what he did, we'll never know, doubt he even knows, but everything changed from that moment on and my optimism from 60 minutes earlier evaporated and I just knew we weren't going to win now and sadly, I was proven right. Once the winning goal went in (again a goal that could’ve been prevented), the tear floodgates opened, shouldn't cry over a football team, but I've cried many a tear over Everton in the past, and will continue to do so. Its how I am and how they get to me. I've since been told that I was seen on the TV (mightily impressive considering how far back I was sitting) in injury time, so the national probably saw me crying, just to round off a great day!!
The rest of the day I was quite calm and reserved, knew we'd failed to take our chance through our own fault, too many players under performed, simple as, no point going on about it as it was only going to spoil my night out in London and ruin my drinking time!!
But by the much more pleasant train journey home on Sunday afternoon, devastation and disappointment fully hit, it was supposed to be our big day, our big opportunity to prove that the media's view of us being over achievers was wrong, but we failed abysmally and losing to all teams, them, was heartbreaking. They had their 3rd choice goalkeeper playing, yet I think bar a couple of flaps from crosses, I could have played in goal for Liverpool. We really have got some mental block against them, why I don't know, they may have spent more than us, but on our day, we are just as good as them if not better and we should have showed that on the pitch, but after the mistake, the players became inferior. They shouldn't have as they aren't, but they did. I don't like disliking any of ou players, but on Sunday night, I did feel let down by most of them and it's not a nice feeling to have. I felt stupid too for actually believing that we could do it. Moyes also isn't blameless, surely he could see what we all could on the pitch, the lack of support to Jelavic, Fellaini wondering around too much, Osman, Cahill and Gueye being largely ineffective, so why not change things, but it wasn't many options on the bench. The main hope we had previous to the game should an impact sub be needed was Drenthe, but because of his lack of professionalism and downright stupidity he was not available to us, this maybe the last straw for some with the enigmatic Dutchman, I know it is for me. Pienaar being cup tied was a massive miss; I said before the game that his absence would be more of a miss for us than Liverpool having Reina suspended, how right I was.
In my more darker moments of this week, I've thought that we are never going to win anything, but have quickly dismissed those thoughts, if I really started to believe that, what would be the point of going the game, you have to believe in your team and that one day, your time will come, you will get that piece of luck, that referring decision, players and a manager who believe in themselves and their ability, a substitutes bench that will have game changing options on it. It will happen, it HAS to happen.
I think I am just about over the disappointment that was last Saturday now, it still hurts, but not like it did and I've gotten over all the other times they've let me down, so I will get there with this. I survived work and most of the reds in our place tried their best not to mention it to me. I will be there on Sunday at Old Trafford, just the trip we want when trying to put a FA Cup semi final defeat by your major rivals behind you, not!! I doubt this will be our day either, but won't stop me from believing that it may be and have the hope that it will be, but as they say it's the hope that kills you as a football fan and definitely as an Evertonian!!
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